Dispatches From the Far East

DMZ in Pictures

2009-09-06T03:53:00.000-07:00

On Friday we took a trip to the DMZ with the unit. It was great to get up there stare at the "enemy" for a couple of hours. It puts things into perspective as you stare at the worlds most militarized border.

Our first stop was the 3rd Tunnel of aggression. They have found four total, dug by the nKs as an invasion route south. To get there you must walk down a shaft that was drilled for the tourists. Once in the tunnel, you can wear a hardhat and walk about 500 meters towards the DMZ. The tunnel runs through the DMZ to the DPRK but is obviously blocked. The commies said the the South Koreans dug the tunnel (even though it is sloped north so water doesn't run south, and all dynamite holes face south) and then said it was an old coal mine even painting coal on the walls (even though there is no coal deposits in the area).

We then went to Observation Post Dora, a ROK OP that commands spectacular views of nK and its propaganda village.

The grand finale was a trip to the UN Joint Security Area (JSA). This is located within the DMZ and is where direct talks between UN, ROK, and nK delegations occur. The tour begins in Camp Bonifas where you get briefed on the "Do's and Dont's" of the JSA. You then get on a bus and enter the DMZ. The JSA is really controlled, but is so because of the many incidents that have occured there over the years.

Only two KPA (North Korean People's Army) guards are usually present at any given time. One is outside and the other is in the building behind the binoculars.

The South Korean Military Police stand half behind the building for protection from gun fire.

The buildings are a lovely shade of UN blue. Entering them it is possible to technically enter North Korea. That is a close as any American passport holder will get to North Korea, well, unless you are Bill Clinton.

Here I am in North Korea, though I don't know if I can count that as another country added to my book of travels. BTW, the Korean guards on the JSA are usually some tall dudes...but I look like I tower over them, because I did.

The rest of the weekend was spend celebrating Labor Day and the official end of summer.

I have been here in Korea (South) for 134 days. Melissa and the "E" will be here in 17 days--I should clarify--"E" equals Ella, not anything more dubious.

Check back later...I have some great golf pictures from my day on the links in Seoul.

23 Days and a Wake Up

2009-08-31T04:17:00.000-07:00

In three and a half weeks, or roughly 23 days, Melissa and Ella will arrive here in the "land of the morning calm" to reunite our family for five weeks. This will be a great as I am seeing a few mysterious trends beginning to happen in my lovely apartment in the Jung Woon Villas.
1. I keep coming home expecting a dinner to be ready, or one the stove, or planned at the very least. The Korean stove must not understand my English instructions.
2. Every time I open my closet there are less and less clean clothes in it. That was never a problem in my house on Oklahoma. On a related note there always seems to be an abundance of clothes in my laundry basket.
3. There is an ominous lack of cartoons playing in my place at any give time. Gone are the days of "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse", "Handy Manny", and "Yo Gabba Gabba" (which I was beginning to understand and enjoy).

Truth be told, while I would love a "man cave" back in the states that would allow me to get away for a period of time, I would not trade living every day with my family for anything. I love my job and even though it takes me away I love that it makes me appreciate everything I have...including my beautiful girls.

So we finished our big exercise "Ulchi Freedom Guardian"- cool name huh? It is a mostly a computer simulated war (the largest computer simulated war game in the world) with our old nemesis North Korea. We won, because we are awesome. But there was no drinking, and conversely, no partying for the duration of the exercise (almost a month long). It ended Friday and we decided to celebrate by going to Seoul. I told Melissa that we are going to do some sight seeing and that WAS the plan, originally. But you know how three guys sometime will find a bar (which, if you have never been to that particular bar, could be considered sightseeing) and never leave. Later in the night we went to a nightclub. It sounded like a good plan at the time even though we are not the (ump ump ump) night club type. Thing is they wouldn't let us in. This wasn't the first time I have experienced that, three dudes rolling up to a club sans hot chicks will usually get turned down in the states too. But the bouncers (Korean bouncers are smaller than me) pretty much said we were not getting in because we are round eyes, westerners, Americans. That kind of grinds my gears. Korea is a nice enough country, so I wouldn't talk bad about it. But it is not necessarily the most sought after overseas assignment for an Army Officer. Further more, after spending almost a month working my ass off, not drinking, war gaming how Americans would defend their (the Korean's) country it was just not a real high five moment for ROK-US relations. Seriously though, we went to and got into another club (Club Volume shout out) and I realized how much I truly hate nightclubs. Our twelve hour booze bender ended with three dudes sharing a California king, but like I said, three dudes is a bed is a drunk Saturday night, four dudes in a bed is gay.

Blogger Melissa > Blogger Tom

2009-08-09T03:37:00.000-07:00

I know that I have been slacking...I'm in a very weird place where the newness of Korea is wearing off and I am just trying to knock out the days and weeks to get to the end of this tour. Not that I am complaining about the opportunity. I always welcome a chance to work in another part of the world. Its just that I am not on vacation here, and coming home to an empty apartment day after day gets more than a little old. There is good and bad in everything here. I get to drive a '94 Hyundai Sonata...which, is rad, except that the seat belt likes to unbuckle itself as I drive.

Melissa and Ella are coming to visit...we will be a whole family again for a pretty extended period of time (five weeks). Since it will be at the half way point of the tour it will break it up nicely. I am pumped to have my girls with me. I'm sure Mel will want to see the whole country.

That is all for now...big exercise starting this week... it will last through the end of the month...busy times.

Taking aim at some (notional) commies.

Happy August

2009-08-02T02:34:00.000-07:00

256 days remaining in this country. It seems so long, but I am already 25% through my tour in Korea. In two weeks it will four months in country, or a solid 33%. I miss my wife, I miss my kid, I miss my life. Though not facing the dander of an operational deployment the family hardship is just the same.

A couple of weeks ago I pulled off the greatest sneak attack of my life. Melissa was in New York and I jumped aboard a big blue Korean Airlines 777 direct to JFK. The surprise was priceless as many of you have probably seen from the video. For those who haven't check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFDCJqu5ZUE

Getting ready for one of the world's largest military exercises. It will be taking up most of the month of August.

Until I blog again...TVP

Mudfest 2009

2009-07-12T04:04:00.000-07:00

A festival that is fearlessly devoted to one thing...well maybe two things...getting dirty and getting absolutely, unequivocally, shnithoused. I started my Saturday with a round of golf and the weather was beautiful. We had plans to load up the cooler around one and hit the road. As we set out and the weather turned for the worst we again learned some valuable lessons that will definitely set us up for later success.

1. The road network in Korea, after the highways, is utterly chaotic. Roads numbers merge and branch which leads to a couple of very confused captains. That brings us to my next point:

2. Never try to navigate with only a map printed on a party brochure...we were so lost it hurt. Luckily, we found a map in the car (we say found because when we buy our cars here from people who's tours are over they leave a lot of "stuff" in the car, some useful, some not.

3. Bus lanes on the highway are for buses. We actually got pulled over by the Korean National Police.

4. When stopped by the Korean National Police (see above) always try to play dumb. "Ohhhhhhhh that's the bus lane" worked this time, though may never work again.

4.1. When stopping in a no stopping zone and approached by a cop asking for ID try to change the subject to ask for directions to your hotel.

5. Bring a cooler full of Sam Adams to a festival in Korea where everybody is drinking the piss that is Cass, OB, and Hite, and you will be a hero...everytime...period. We just look at it as international relations.

6. My buddy had a teal green poncho in the trunk of his car...he did not know it was there (see #2) but it was clutch when the sky opened up.

7. Sometimes, when your car is a beater, you have to consider that a window going down doesn't always equate to a window going up.

8. If I dare you to do anything at 1am don't do it...especially if you don't know me from Adam. I DO NOT have your best intentions at heart. It's a mean streak I have..."It is what it is"

9. Korea is great, but its not home...not even close.

Golf!

2009-07-06T01:30:00.000-07:00

Another great day on the course...an 8 shot improvement from last week. Like I said, its not every day you can golf with guns and missiles as a backdrop. Tee Box on #4 with Korean Vulcan anti-aircraft guns guarding the sky.

#8 green...you can see the Patriot Missiles of Delta Battery to the immediate right of the flag...That is my tee shot on the green...straight M.O.N.E.Y!

An Awesome 4th of July!

2009-07-06T01:18:00.000-07:00

Hello Pyeongtaek City!

America & Wet Shorts

The fireworks are "that way".

Just wanted to thank my friends and colleagues who joined me on my roof in the Jung Woon Villas to celebrate our Independence Day. The thing about Americans is we know how to celebrate the days that matter the most even though we are more than 5,000 miles from American soil. It was a great night filled with libations and great friends.

Happy Birthday America!

2009-07-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

Living outside of the United States makes you appreciate how lucky you are to live in a country such as ours. One cannot chose what country they are born into, but once born they can choose what country to live in. For many people over the last 233 years our country has been one of hope. A country where you are limited only by your own imagination. I have been in the army for six years and have spent 3 of those years outside of the country on the 4th of July. But being resourceful young 'Mericans we always manage to celebrate wherever we are. Tonight will be filled by the scent of the grill, ice cold beer, American flags, and fireworks...why, because that's how we roll. I have 81 Soldiers in my battery. Those 81 Americans, average age 22, will be spending their 4th 7,000 miles from their homes and loved ones. For many this is their first time out of the country. Some, a year ago, had just graduated from high school. When you look at a flag today think of them, raise your glass for them, and know that because of kids like them, we all have a free and secure country to call our home.

I miss you all... happy Independance Day from freedom's frontier.

I'm Back!

2009-06-28T04:11:00.000-07:00

Sorry its been so long...but your friend is back. Kinda figured if I was going to have a weblog I might as well update it! I've been here 75 days now which means I am under 300 days until I take the big silver jet outta here. It is definitely hard being away from my girls but I have been trying to keep busy. Actually getting some use out of my golf clubs-I think I have a new Sunday routine. I starts with NOT drinking on Saturday night. Had a couple of hard party nights...didn't realize that I am not 21 anymore. A night at the bar has me out of commission the next day. Aging is sad. Sundays find me on the course and my game is steadily improving. Golfing here can be interesting. Concentration broken by fighter jets taking off, Patriot missile launchers and South Korean air defense guns serving as a beautiful but realistic backdrop. Koreans LOVE to golf. They are all tricked out in the latest gear, collars popped (which I didn't think you could do before midnight), and they are actually pretty good. Me, that's another story.

Went to the ball a few weekends ago. I was, all and all, a fun night. With liberal libations and great tacos on the streets of Seoul afterwards (fancy dinners never have enough food).

Looking forward to the 4th of July... sometimes living outside the USA makes you realize how much you take being an American for granted.
Nothing beats BBQ, Fireworks, and ice cold American beer!

Keep rockin'...keep machen!

Fathers Day # 2

2009-06-17T17:01:00.000-07:00

Melissa worked very hard to create this...and it has become, easily, the most meaningful gift I have ever received from her.

Happy Father's Day 2009 from Melissa Petrini on Vimeo.

Hangul, Two Value Meals, and Aloe Healing from the Inside Out

2009-06-08T03:39:00.000-07:00

Good day my friends! Sorry it has been a while since my last dispatch. As I sure you all know from 24/7 news coverage things it this part of the world have been absolutely chill.

This is a drink (and I mean nonalcoholic) that the locals love. I don't know what is in it as I can't read Hangul but I know one thing, it has bits of floating aloe in it. I'm not going to lie, it's pretty good!

About a week ago I went to the airport in Seoul to welcome the last group of Soldiers from the states. To satisfy our hunger we hit the airport McDonald's. I know, it sounds so cliche, Americans in a foreign land eating at McDonald's (I wont mention that we ate that the airport Bennigan's the week before but that was chosen because it was the only restaurant in the airport that served beer!) We were in a hurry and needed something quick. I held up two fingers in my vain attempt to order a "number 2". I found out later from a Korean-American Lieutenant that the two fingers sealed my fate. I had just ordered TWO meals! Of course I didn't want to look like I didn't know the culture so I decided to look like a total fat ass with two Big Mac meals. Lesson learned (and I didn't eat both meals).

I blogged earlier about having to do laundry on my own for the first time in a while and was pretty proud at my ability to launder. Well, I must have been a little too cocky. Karma is a biznitch, a biznitch who was presented me with a washer/dryer combo that has a dial completely in Hangul (Korean that is). So here I am just guessing, with clothes that seem to be getting clean, when my realtor provided my with a translation of the settings, crisis averted. Though foreign washing machines take literally 3.5 hours to get a load done. Remember those days Mel?

Have the Army Birthday Ball to attend in Seoul this weekend...wish I had a date...and by date I mean Melissa!

Peace Out!

We are Now Officially on Mission

2009-05-25T04:05:00.000-07:00

We had a ceremony on Friday that signified the transfer of authority to our battalion and we are now officially on mission in the Korean Theater of Operations. The last 40 or so days have been incredibly busy and there is no way it will die down from here courtesy of a DPRK nuclear test. Boo to you Kim Jung Il. Do you not realize that it is beach season? The weather here has actually been very nice as of late. The yellow dust is only mildly irritating.

Trying to plan out what signs are to be seen this summer. Mudfest, a festival where you consume large amounts of soju and cover yourself in muck is in July and sounds just dandy. I may have to make an appearance. To give you an idea of how cheap this country is I offer you a tale: I went out in Suwon on Friday night. Went to a bar that is a favorite of expats (mostly teachers from the English speaking world) and spent a total of 30,000 won all night (about $18). They have pitchers of Cass (Korean brew) for 11,000 won. The thing is, these pitchers are the equivalent of at least 4 American style pitchers. I crashed at the quarters of a fellow commander on Suwon Airbase. That was clutch as I would not have made it home before our 3am curfew.

Trying to talk Melissa to bring Ella to Korea for a month long visit. I think she is buying into the idea and it will be nice to have my family back for a brief moment.

Hope everybody has a joyous Memorial Day.

"It is what is is"

2009-05-16T02:35:00.001-07:00

"It is what is is"
Originally uploaded by citweasel

Sometimes, things in the Army just make you smile.

Straight Pimpin'

2009-05-16T02:30:00.001-07:00

Straight Pimpin'
Originally uploaded by citweasel

As promised...here is my swingin' good apartment in Korea. A nice place actually, and I feel no less a man with floral patterns on every wall. It is actually relaxing. Click the picture to check out the rest!

Going to test the nightlife in Suwon tonight. Happy Suwon!

Songtan Sally and other Saturday Morning Muses

2009-05-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

Its a little after noon here on a Saturday and after working this morning I am enjoying 1.5 days off. Actually, scratch that, one day off as I have to go to Seoul tomorrow to welcome the second part of my battery arriving from the states. As I mentioned yesterday I can officially drink at this point and as I surveyed the selection at the class six (beer/booze store on base) I narrowed it down to two choices: Sam Adams bottles and a Heineken Draught keg. The SA is just a cool beer to chill with and enjoy and anything in keg form (albeit mini keg) screams "party time". I went with the SA and am drinking before noon (justification being that it is still Friday night in the states). I will no doubt turn back to the Heine at a later date as it brings back memories of floating draught kegs with Scotty P and Crazy Joe H in a certain DFW pool.

On duty last night I ran into the legendary "Songtan Sally". She is the local prostitute and though I have seen her before (always from a distance) I just wanted to share the local hooker selection with you. She is disgusting, and shockingly blunt.

Apartment pictures later today...I promise.

Seven Followers

2009-05-15T03:55:00.000-07:00

Just noticed the seven awesome folks who "follow" my blog and I started thinking. I want to begin a contest to see how many followers I can get to view "Dispatches from the Far East". I was inspired by the Ashton Kutcher vs. CNN race for the first person to have 1,000,000 subscribers on Twitter. The millionth person to follow this blog will receive a special gift: an all expense paid trip to Korea where you will dine on the finest Gaegogi (If you are not sure what that it I will allow to you use your Googling skills to find out).

Let me also say that "Coffee is for closers only!" I'm happy to announce that the men and women of the Battery were once again, the first in the battalion to complete our regular certification. Now that it is over I can begin to focus on all the other things on my plate. I moved into my apartment and have completely unpacked. That is awesome news! I will finishing cleaning the place up (Yes Melissa I said cleaning!) and take pictures for you all tomorrow.

I have officially been here for 30 days now and starting tonight I am finally able to consume alcoholic beverages . But, being the ever caring boss that I am I will not drink tonight so I can conduct courtesy patrol and ensure none for my Soldiers are arrested by the Air Force Security Police. They tend to give the Army Soldiers a hard time because 1. We are better looking than them and steal all their chicks (which in Songtan means "Juicy Girls" [again google is useful here]) 2. Because it takes at least 5 AF guys to take down one Soldier and 3. we are so 3008 they are so 2000 and late. Anyway, as we are providing their air and missile defense, keeping them safe from the reds you would think we would get away with more. So, I will be going out tonight like a good shepard to ensure that my flock makes it safely home. Tomorrow though, is day 32, and I will be going out to celebrate a successful certification. Good thing for you all is the time difference...my drunk dials will hit late afternoon your time. Which, hopefully would make you worry about me if you did not know I was in the KTO.

Will touch base with you tomorrow during the pre party...remember: "If you can't close shit, you are shit."

Sorry...

2009-05-09T05:04:00.000-07:00

It has been a week since I have spoken to you through cyber space. We have been busy with certifications at work and I have found that I have just enough time after to talk to Melissa and Ella before going to bed. I have great news: I found an apartment!!! Thank you for looking at the pictures and voting for your favorite! I am absolutely kidding...there was no vote, no pictures online. I had just enough time to look at a place, decide it wasn't horrible, and tell them I was ready to sign on the line that is dotted. So, they gave me my apartment pin code (keys are so 20th century over here) and I have slowly started to move in. Tonight is my last night in the hotel and I am ready to go. As I was looking at my place I realized that the wording on every appliance is in Korean. And since it is all uber high tech I am starting to think there will be some issues figuring everything out. Crazy, very crazy.

Yellow Dust is in full effect over here. The dust blows over from China and is a mixture of pollution and fine desert sand. Probably not that healthy to breath but I am faring better than most. Thoughts of the dust lead me to my latest Saturday Haiku:

Blowing Yellow Dust
Mongol, evil, Chinese dust
Filling my poor lungs

Note: I feel that the dust is evil therefore "evil Chinese dust" in no way equates to "evil Chinese people".

I promised pictures, until I produce I understand this blog is lame.

Melissa will celebrate her second Mother's Day tomorrow...Ella is quite the trophy, I love them both so much.

2009-05-02T00:57:00.000-07:00

A rainy Saturday afternoon here in Asia. I went to the office this morning to get a head start on next week. It was totally necessary as I need to find some time for myself to begin the great apartment hunt. I have spent 17 nights here already...all in a hotel. Needless to say I am ready for a place of my own. I bought a car and will be taking the car of the guy I am replacing. It is a '94 Hyundai Sonata and it is every bit as cool as it sounds. Since it will the the second model year 1994 car I will have owned it will be great to see how it compares to the American built Saturn that roped in many ladies in the late '90s including Melissa who proved helpless against its powers. (note: the Sonata will not be roping in any ladies no matter how awesome a ride it may be)

A few more observations:

1. I am really looking forward to trying the dry cleaners over here...hey "It is what it is!"

2. Korean Mountain Dew tastes like American Mountain Dew. That was not the case in Germany.

3. You can't beat 3 pirated DVDs for $10. Especially when the movies are not out in the states yet. You even get the added bonus of learning a little Russian when it switches languages for 10 minutes in the middle of the movie.

4. Mom, I promise I will call you at some point. Hey I'm here for a year, no reason to burn out the circuits in the first month. I have been really busy and when I think about giving you a call it is usually the middle of the night your time. Don't think I haven't though of calling anyway for payback as I do recall many wake up calls from you at 3 am when I lived in Germany. Paybacks can be a bioatch.

5. Haiku of the week: (I know it is Japanese but I like it)
Steadily rain falls
Here in the same beat as there
Oklahoma rain

6. I promise some more pictures...blogs are kinda lame without them.

7. A 7pm Rays game starts about 9am the next morning here. Nothing beats waking up to taking the first two from the Red Sox, even if the Rays can't beat any other team in baseball this year.

8. To my two top lady friends: I miss you, keep bloggin, keep rockin'!

Until you hear from me again, salutations.

Apartment Hunting

2009-04-30T03:07:00.000-07:00

Hello US Americans and greetings from "The Land of the Morning Calm". I am living in a hotel outside the friendly confines of borrowed American soil and I have come to a difficult conclusion: I need to find an apartment! Its not like living in a hotel is all that bad. Maids are good, free utilities are ok, but it is time to spread my wings. So tomorrow (today US time) I will begin the hunt for the greatest apartment on the peninsula (and that will be a tough stretch as I hear Dear Leader Kim Jong ll as a pretty sweet pad.) Here is where you come in. I will be posting pictures of the apartments I see and you will vote on the winner! (Actually you will have a vote towards the winner as will I. Though my vote will be stronger as I am halfway around the world and no one save my beautiful wife will ever visit me here.) Let the hunt begin!

FYI...

2009-04-26T01:46:00.000-07:00

The laundry turned out fine. I have discovered that sorting is overrated. You are welcome world.

The weekend is here...sort of.

2009-04-24T02:54:00.000-07:00

Well, my first full week in the land of the morning calm has come to an end. As I look out my window upon freedom's frontier I offer you these observations:

1. I have a load of laundry currently spinning in the "laundromat". As I was figuring out how to operate the washer I realized how much I truly appreciate how well Melissa takes care of me. Lets be honest, my whole adult life I have had my laundry taken care of. At The Citadel laundry consisted of stuffing my soiled and undesirables into a bag, filling out a ticket, and dropping said bag from the 4th story of Stevens Barracks to be collected by some sweaty knobs and dutifully sent to the laundry shop where it would returned on Friday cleaned and pressed. Then following my move to Germany I developed "levels of clothing cleanliness" which allowed to cut back the number of total washes which, coupled with Frau Kieselmaier sneaking into my apartment to clean and launder left very little laundry done on my own. But as is always the case being spoiled by clean laundry for the last four and a half years I yearn for that fresh out of the dryer smell. So, I decided to do a load. I was going to separate the clothing by colors and type, but figured to save time I would just throw it all in together. 15 more minutes and I will see how it will all turn out.

2. Today I got an awesome haircut! Period! Maybe one of the 20 best haircuts in my life. The thing about getting haircuts on army posts in the states is that they are all mostly staffed by Koreans. And lets just say the finished product isn't always top notch. So I was a little weary getting my first wig snip over here. I gave my standard "I don't want a high and tight" and she actually listened. I was so happy when she finished that I turned down the post hair cut massage (which, for the record, would not in any circumstances resulted in any happy endings) so she would not reconsider and put the blade back to my head. The haircut was a good ending to a busy week.

Now I can enjoy my weekend...wait, never mind, I am working this weekend...boo.

Thoughts of the day...

2009-04-20T02:28:00.001-07:00

DSC01555
Originally uploaded by citweasel

Busy day at work today...without fail whenever you have to inventory Uncle Sam's war machine it is either a- raining, b- windy, c-cold, or d- all of the above. Today was an all of the above kind of day. Have my cell phone up and running...Korean ringtones include: "Step by Step" and "Hanging Tough" by the NKOTB, "Superfreak", "Uptown Girl", and 1999's "She’s so High"-- very eclectic stuff. My sleep cycle is slowly returning to normal but it is still hard to relate to those of you living in the past. Monday was a pretty good day...enjoy it!

Hello from the Future

2009-04-19T03:50:00.001-07:00

DSC01631
Originally uploaded by citweasel

And so it begins! Nothing pumps me up more than the thought of 15 hours on an airplane. Compound that with knowing I will not see my beautiful girls for almost a year resulted in a difficult day to say the least. In the end I traveled for 28 hours from home to hotel losing a day of my life and ending up 14 hours in the future. This blog will follow a me, a modern day time traveler, as I spend a year upon freedom's frontier. Commie Pinkos beware!